MA, LAC, LISAC
The FAQs on Sex Addiction:Sex Addiction / Compulsivity is a compulsive behavior that prioritizes sexual activity which becomes
the organizing principle in one’s life. It interferes with otherwise normal daily living and can take many
forms. This is including but not limited to: internet pornography, pornography, compulsive sexual
hook-ups, compulsive masturbation, prostitution and chronic infidelity. Sexually addictive behavior
is defined much like any other addiction or addictive process as it becomes the organizing principle of
one’s life. Its progression can affect all areas of living including family, friends, and one’s work
life. Left untreated this addiction can result in physical, emotional, and financial distress; even
death due to increased risk taking behaviors.Love and Relationship Addiction is characterized by an individual’s (both men and women)
unhealthy dependency on a specific relationship or a pattern of relationships. As a result of one’s
poor self esteem and lack of self-worth, the relationship, overtime, becomes a prevailing presence
that can result in abuse, anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation.Internet Pornography is referred to as the “crack cocaine” of sex addiction. That is because
pornography delivered by way of the internet, offers a quick, often private, and ever increasingly
high-speed dose of stimulation to the brain. During the viewing of pornography the brain experiences
a released tidal wave of endorphins and other neurochemicals; dopamine, norepinephrine, oxytocin
and serotonin. These neurochemicals produce a “natural high” which in turn, induces strong emotional,
biological and chemical connections. With breakthroughs in medicine and Single photon emission
computed tomography SPECT it has been proven that pornography addiction changes the
“wiring and firing" of the brain and is akin to a “chemical addiction” because of the
dopamine surge in our neurochemistry. When brains are exposed to internet pornography
at an early age, the response in the brain is detrimental to growth and developing
neuropathways.Affairs and Infidelity remains a serious threat to a romantic relationship. An emotional affair can be as
serious if not more so than a sexual affair because it is a breach to the very intimate foundation of an enduring
union. That betrayal to a couple’s intimacy and connection speaks to the heart of what needs to be repaired
in order for a couple to heal and grow from such an infidelity. A skilled therapist can help a couple heal,
speak constructively as to the occurrences and begin to make the relational journey back to intimacy if
so desired.Emotional Incest/Sexual Abuse speaks to a relationship between a parent and child that becomes
sexualized through covert or overt measures. In the process a parent uses the child and expects the child
to fulfill their adult emotional needs. This dynamic causes underlying anger, guilt towards the parents and issues
with self-esteem, addiction and sexual and emotional intimacy. Read more...
Frequent Questions and Concerns:
- Am I a sex addict?
- What is sex addiction and sexual compulsivity?
Sex Addiction / Compulsivity is a compulsive behavior that prioritizes sexual activity which becomes
the organizing principle in one’s life. It interferes with otherwise normal daily living and can take many
forms. This is including but not limited to: internet pornography, pornography, compulsive sexual
hook-ups, compulsive masturbation, prostitution and chronic infidelity. Sexually addictive behavior
is defined much like any other addiction or addictive process as it becomes the organizing principle of
one’s life. Its progression can affect all areas of living including family, friends, and one’s work
life. Left untreated this addiction can result in physical, emotional, and financial distress; even
death due to increased risk taking behaviors.
- What is compulsive masturbation?
Masturbation is defined as the pleasuring of one self in a sexual way. A behavior, much like a
substance, can be performed (or consumed) to excess. In healthy child development, masturbation
is a part of sexual exploration. In the presence of childhood abuse and/or trauma, masturbation
can be used as a way for a child to alleviate loneliness, fear, pain, anger, guilt and shame.
Masturbation becomes a way to attain internal calm and self soothing in the midst of overwhelming
stress.
What is important to recognize is that compulsive masturbation is a solitary pursuit outside
the realm of emotional connection and intimacy. With or without the use of internet porn,
videos, chat rooms, or fantasy, compulsive masturbation is often associated with other negative
behaviors that can lead to legal, social, or familial ramifications. Left untreated, compulsive
masturbation will worsen and potentially cause significant injury.
Denial keeps most people from seeking treatment because they rationalize to themselves that
masturbation is healthy. Shame and denial become the organizing factors in an individual’s life
which helps perpetuate the negative and escalating consequences that further trap an individual in
the addictive downward cycle.
- Should I be concerned if I "must" masturbate?
- What if I have a high sex drive? Is this a problem?
- My significant other/spouse told me I sexualize wo/men. What does this mean?
- I found my significant other/spouse looking at internet pornography. What do I do?
- I confide in a close fe/male friend but I'm in a committed relationship. Is this a problem?
Sharing emotional intimacies with an individual outside of a committed relationship may
not always signal trouble. However, if the intimacies are being disclosed without the consent
or knowledge of the partner involved; in secrecy via email, text, or exclusively at work, and
with an individual who may share romantic feelings, the lines in having an emotional affair
have been crossed. The risk to any relationship is breach of trust and dishonest behavior and
that is what is problematic.
Relationships or marriages that do not directly address current or past unresolved issues will
ultimately experience erosion in solid lines of commitment and trust. Emotional and/or sexual affairs,
fantasies or workplace “friendships” can become the crutch or distraction by which an individual
avoids confronting real problems within his or her marriage and/or relationship.
- I have a stronger sexual needs than my spouse so I satisfy my needs outside of my relationship.
There are various reasons for which an individual may have a stronger sexual desire than their
partner. In fact, it is common that there exist sexual discrepancies within marriages. Hormones, drugs
(both prescribed and/or abused), and mood disorders can all play a singular or collective role in one’s
level of sexual arousal. The issue at hand is not the reasons for which an individual has heightened
(or diminished) needs but what the couple does to rectify the issue in the marriage.
A sexual disconnect in a relationship often indicates deeper significant relational issues. Should one
or both individuals choose to ignore the issue(s), they run the risk that one or both will seek sexual
gratification outside of the partnership which will only further erode intimacy and emotional connection
between them. Compulsive masturbation, internet porn, chat rooms hook-ups, and affairs, and or
divorce are soon to follow if communication and treatment is not sought.
Despite my love for my partner, I continue to use online chat rooms for conversation and hook-ups.
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IF you, or someone you love is struggling with sex and/or love addiction, please contact Debra to schedule an appointment. Sexual compulsivity and relationship addiction may have its roots in unresolved early childhood sexual trauma and abuse and must be taken seriously. When addressed, individuals, couples
and families go on to live sexually happy and healthy lives.
For more information:
Sex Addicts Anonymous
Tucson Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous
Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous
Sexhelp.com
C0-Sex Addiction Help
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